Trinity Blood: The Bad Abel Blues
by Lil-Rahl
Summary: Abel has a bad day revolving around feathers, miniskirts, and cheapness. Read and Review. Two-Shot.
1. Chapter 1

The following story is an outcome of what happens when my proof reader and I write a story together.

There is a lot of OC-ness. We just wrote this for the hell of it. Its a christmas present to my dear penpal Woolfred. Some of the characters may not act correctly, but just go with the flow. It's just suppose to be funny.

Tell me what you think. Maybe if I get enough good response, I'll con my proof reader into co-writing with me again.

Disclaimer applies: I do not own Trinity Blood.

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**Trinity Blood: **_The Bad Abel Blues._

It was a magical place, especially for someone with a stomach as bottomless as Abel Nightroad's. Abel's mouth oozed long streams as he gazed upon the wonderful treats laid out on the table. Cakes, pies, chocolates, sugared candies and to top it all off, a big pot of milk tea, with a large bowl of sugar cubes waiting for Abel like unholy succubae tempting their prey. Abel's head reeled in wonder, and he felt as if he could barely keep his feet upon the floor as he floated over to the table, streams of drool dribbling from his mouth, leaving long puddles upon the floor. His eyes gleamed with total amazement. He stood in front of all the goodies, rubbing his hands together in anticipation, his feet jittering in excitement.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Abel?" he turned his head to see Sister Esther Blanchett come into view. She didn't look much like a sister at this point. She wasn't wearing her normal attire, her white habit, but instead had donned a small, tight black mini dress with a shamefully low cut. Abel instantly forgot about the sweet treats behind him, his jaw dropping to the floor as his eyes bugged out. Esther gave him a sly smile, and sat sensuously upon the corner of the table. She crossed her legs and leaned towards Abel, letting him get an unhindered view of her better assets, "or would you like something else to eat?" the innuendo was not lost upon the priest, whose mouth now felt as dry as the Carthaginian desert.

"I…I…I…I…I…" he kept on repeating like a broken record. His heart was pounding a mile a minute, and felt like it must be leaping two feet from his chest with each pump. Abel felt his cheeks burn bright red, almost the color of Esther's hair. She grinned, an evil, lustful twinkle in her eyes, and slid to her feet seductively. She seemed to glide across the tiled floor as she approached Abel, a Cheshire cat smile cast upon her beautiful face.

"What do you want, Abel?" she said as she leaned into him, her voice low and husky. The tall priest took a step back, then another, until he backed up into a stone wall.

"Abel," Esther spoke softly, stopping inches in front of him. Abel forced himself to look down at the pretty red-head.

"I…um…uh…hello…Esther," he stammered, "um…Esther?" she pressed her body against his, "Esther?"

"I know, Abel," she spoke softly while reaching up and pulling off his glasses, "I know," she leaned forward and whispered into his ear, "that you want me, Abel." the priest gulped. She rubbed her hands up and down his chest as she breathed in his scent.

"Esther," Abel was losing his mind, "um…are you drunk?" he gave himself a mental kick as soon as the words left his mouth. _Idiot! Don't mess up a good thing!_ Esther, however, giggled playfully.

"Stop denying it, Abel," she looked back up at him. _*Beep!*_ Abel glanced around for the offending bird, but could find none. He could feel her breath on his lips as she grasped his chin firmly and turned his head toward her. As if on auto-pilot, the priest leaned forward to kiss the redheaded temptress. She leaned away, smiling, beckoning him toward her. _*Beep!*_ Let the blasted little thing chirp away. He finally touched his lips to hers. They tasted sweeter than sugar itself. Abel felt as if he was going to lose himself within her passion. _*Beep!* _The bird was getting more insistent, as if they'd forgotten to include it in the fun. Abel ignored it, his lips moving down Esther's throat as she moaned in pleasure. He found himself holding her tightly against him. _*Beep!*_ The little bastard was starting to annoy him. _*Beep beep!*_ It sure did know how to spoil the moment. _*Beep beep beep!*_ He forced the shoulder strap of Esther's dress down as his lips followed. Esther giggled and moved against him. _*Beepbeepbeepbeep!*_ What the…? _*Beepbeeepbeeepbeeeepbeeeeep…*_

_*Beeeepbeeeepbeeeepbeeeepbeeeep!* _Abel opened his left eye and looked at the offending alarm clock. One of these days, he just knew he was going to end up throwing it out the highest window he could find. He rolled over and shut the blasted contraption off, silencing its incessant whine. As he yawned, he noticed an odd taste in his mouth, and feathers floating all about his head. Abel sat up and pulled more of the downy white feathers out of his mouth. He rolled his eyes and looked down at his pillow. Sure enough, he had bitten one corner clean off, and had begun eating the feathers, disemboweling his pillow in a massacre of down.

"Oh, for crying out loud," he groaned. It was the fifth pillow he had mutilated in the past two months. He rubbed his sleep filled eyes and yawned, sputtering up a few more feathers. It was going to be a bad day, he had a feeling. His bad days usually started with these erotic, totally inappropriate dreams about Esther, and his little breakfast of goose down. He'd bet the four dinars in his pocket that it was going to get even worse. He looked back down at his clock and groaned; he had slept in. Abel dragged himself out of bed and staggered to the closet, cursing as he struggled into his robes. He looked down and cursed again as he pulled the robes off enough to turn them around the right way. He finished dressing groggily and rushed out of his quarters, following the long route towards Cardinal Caterina's office, trying to figure out the best excuse to give her on why he was late. Evil monkeys in the closet? No good. Broken alarm? Overused, but possibly true in the next week or so.

Erotic dreams in which he stripped a Vatican Sister down and performed very unpriestly acts upon her? Yeah…that'd go over about as well as his sister proposing to the Pope. He scowled and beat his clenched fist against his forehead.

"Good morning, Father Nightroad," he turned and noticed Sister Esther walking up the hallway, "are you enjoying yourself, or is this some new therapy you're trying for early morning exercise?" she smiled shyly.

"Um…g' morning," he blushed and quickly dropped his fist.

"Getting a late start today?" she asked.

"Something like that," he smiled politely, spitting up another feather. Esther giggled merrily and raised a hand to cover her smile.

"You know, the kitchen is open 24 hours a day. I'm sure that they'll have something better to eat than a feathered pillow," Abel rolled his eyes, "Anyway, I was wondering if," she bit her lip, "since today is…"

"Esther. I'm very busy." he lied, a final feather squirting past his clenched teeth.

"But…" she tried to speak, half smiling as the feather settled to the floor. Abel turned and started walking down the corridor.

"I'll talk to you later, Esther, I'm very late."

"But…" Abel ignored her as he quickly walked away. He shook his head and wondered what in bloody God's name was wrong with him today. He could do every unholy, sinful thing to Esther in his dreams, but couldn't even exchange polite conversation to her face? He knew Esther would be mad at him later; he'd have to remember to do something to make it up to her. Maybe take her out for some tea, a quick lunch…

…strip her down and…he smacked himself again, grimacing and rubbing his forehead as the red imprint of his palm began to appear. He walked the rest of the way to the Cardinal's office in silence and knocked quietly upon her door.

"Enter!" he heard the Cardinal call out. He took a deep breath, composed himself, double checked for feathers, and stepped into Caterina's office. The Cardinal was sitting behind her desk, sipping on some herbal tea. She glanced up, her eyes lingering momentarily upon the red palm print on his forehead, her smile hidden by her teacup.

"Well," she set the cup down, smiling, "I'm surprised you were actually able to untangle yourself from your bed sheets long enough to make our appointment." Abel smiled sheepishly.

"Yes, well, I am glad you understand the dangers of those sheets. You know how easily one can become entwined. Rather dangerous, if I do say so myself," he grinned, and another feather floated out. _How did I miss that?_

"I take it you had a bad night?" Caterina watched the feather fall to the floor as Abel quickly seated himself with a yawn, nodding sleepily, "I see… woke up with feathers in your mouth again?"

"I swear, they're like omens to let me know just how bad my day is going to get."

"And is it?" Abel nodded, casting his eyes downward.

"Well, I know I've already upset Esther," he spoke shamefully.  
"How?" Caterina asked kindly.

"Well… I kind of…" Abel chuckled nervously, "_brushedheroffonthewayhere_," he coughed into his fist.

"Beg your pardon? I didn't quite catch that," Caterina stared deep into Abel's eyes.

"Brushed her off on the way here," he sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Really? And do you know why she wanted to talk to you?"

"No. I said I would speak to her later," Abel frowned as Caterina chuckled to herself, "what's so funny?"

"Abel, for all your 900 years, sometimes you are like a child. It's Sister Blanchett's birthday. I gave everyone the day off. She probably wanted to spend some time with you," the priest felt himself go light-headed and sank into his chair, his arms hanging limply over the chair's as his stomach started to churn like boiling water, "she is rather fond of you, you know," Caterina gazed at him over the rim of her cup as she took another sip.

"Her birthday?" he took off his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes, "her birthday? Why doesn't anyone tell me any of these things?"

"I did," Caterina stated, "last week, when I told everyone that we were going to have a party for her this afternoon. Apparently, you were not paying attention. As usual. No wonder you have such bad days, Abel," he shook his head. He hadn't thought about Esther's birthday, and he knew that he had nothing more than four dinars in his wallet. It was another week until his monthly stipend. Caterina leaned forward and smiled at her old friend, "So why don't you go and at least apologize to Esther? Take her out for a nice lunch?" he nodded and got to his feet, "And while you're at it," Abel looked at her, "try and have a good day. I hate it when you get the bad day blues. It's extremely annoying," he rolled his eyes, "to all of us. Including Esther," Abel's eyes snapped forward in horror as Caterina grinned slyly.

"Will that be all, Cardinal?"

"Unless you don't remove yourself from my office before I finish my next sip," she said sternly as she brought the teacup to her lips. Abel bolted from her office and Caterina sighed heavily.

"One day, friend of mine," she spoke into the air, "you're going to be the death of me."

Abel ventured out into the main courtyard and sat down at a nearby fountain. He knew he was in serious trouble with Esther. Usually he could get out of it with a little bumbling, stammering and general idiocy. But this time he would have to do something more, which would probably reduce him to sheer embarrassment with no self dignity left, that was if he had any to begin with. Maybe a few dog tricks? Heel, sit, roll over?

Beg for mercy? Drop dead? He planted his face in his hands and breathed out heavily, rubbing his sore forehead.

"Well," he sighed, stretching as the sun's rays warmed his body, "I guess a severely annoyed woman can't be worse than an army of Methuselah, and I've survived that before," he planted his hands behind him as he leaned back and gazed up at the sky, "although they sure don't look as good in a miniskirt," he smiled to himself. He quickly sat up and smacked himself again, darkening the red palm print on his head.

"Hey, Father Four-eyes!" Father Leon called as he and the Professor approached, gifts in hand, "sounds like you're having an interesting day. Did I hear something about an army of Methuselah in miniskirts?"

"Um…not quite…hi," he planted his head in his hands again, rubbing at the dark red splotch.

"Heard you pissed off Miss Esther," Leon crossed his arms, "what did you do this time?"

"Um…I'm assuming you guys are taking presents to Miss Esther?" he asked quietly. They nodded gravely, then looked at each other.

"Let me guess," the Professor quipped, "you forgot?" Abel nodded in shame as he gazed up and the Professor looked at each other again, and broke into raucous laughter.

"What's so funny?" Abel scowled. The Professor wiped tears from his eyes as Leon hooted in enjoyment.

"Well, this explains why Sister Esther's on the warpath," the Professor broke into a broad grin, "we just thought it was her time of the month!"

Leon leaned over and placed a hand on Abel's shoulder, leaning close, "Best of luck! Cover your balls!" Leon and the Professor stumbled away, gasping in fits of laughter.

"Yeah, thanks! Some friends you are!" Abel shouted at their departing backsides, "You know, Satan's got a nice cozy room for comedians like you!" he angrily rose to his feet and strode off toward the Sisters' quarters.

As Abel approached Esther's room, he slowed and composed himself, breathing in deeply and letting his anxiety flow out as he breathed out. _Okay, stay calm, it can't be all that bad. I did say I was running late and would talk to her later. It'll be okay._ He raised his hand and hesitated a moment before knocking lightly.

The door knocked him flat on his back as Esther popped her head out, smiling sweetly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Father! I didn't see you there!" her voice was sugary sweet with a touch of lemons to sour it. Abel rubbed his nose as he glanced at the peep hole on her door.

"Perfectly all right, Miss Esther. Honest mistake." He began rising to his feet, but stopped short as Esther bent down and shoved her face in front of his. Even as her face grew dark with anger, he couldn't help but notice the enticing smell of her, and his eyes glazed over as he inhaled her sweetness.

"It may have been an accident, but I don't think there was any mistake to it, Father Fancy-pants!" she leaned toward him, and Abel struggled with himself as her scent grew stronger, "Here it is, my birthday, and all I wanted was a decent lunch with my friend, but noooooo, he's far too busy eating pillows and attending to his oh-so-important schedule to take two minutes to set up a lunch date! What do you have to say for yourself now, Father Featherhead?" she stood up, hands on hips.

As her scent retreated, Abel finally snapped out of his daze long enough to realize she'd asked him a question.

"Huh?" he asked dizzily.

"Oh!" she cried, outraged, as she stalked past him, her hands in fists at her sides, the most unladylike obscenities trailing in her wake. Abel sighed as she departed.

She was so cute when she was angry…

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Second part is coming soon. (It's a two shot. We're working on the second half.)

_Lil~_Rahl (A Division of Crusniks-R-Us)


	2. Chapter 2

Happy Holidays! Happy New Year!

Discalimer Applies: I do not own Trinity Blood. I only own the thoughts in my head, the ideas that I write, and the plot I come up with.

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**Trinity Blood**_: The Bad Abel Blue_

**Part 2**

Abel caught up to Esther as she stormed across the central courtyard toward the main gate, still muttering and cursing, her fists clenched at her sides. Abel stumbled over benches and hedgerows in an attempt to keep up with the enraged young woman.

"Esther…" Abel tripped over a bush, "Wait…" a bench leaped up and caught him around the ankles, toppling him over, "Esther…" a fountain came out of nowhere, dropping him in like a lucky penny into a wishing well, "Esther, please, wait!" he sputtered, dripping water. Esther ignored his outbursts, stomping up to the gates. Abel looked about at the waters of the fountain, and dove face-first into them, thrashing loudly. Passersby stared in disbelief and confusion as Abel seemingly struggled to keep his face above the water.

"Esther, please, help me! I'm drowning!" he spat water and thrashed harder.

"Just so you know, drowning people are incapable of calling for help," the Professor smirked as he passed by.

"Thanks a lot," Abel sat up and watched as Esther disappeared through the gates. He leaped from the water and tumbled across the courtyard, his robes dripping as he ran to catch up.

Abel finally caught up to Esther as she entered the Vatican market commons.

"Esther…" Abel tripped over a basket of apples, raising indignant shouts from the stall owner, "sorry…Esther! Please wait!" his ankle caught a stray cat, eliciting a yowl as he tumbled face first to the pavement. He lifted his head and straightened his glasses as Esther disappeared around a nearby corner. He sprinted after her.

He rounded the corner to see Esther stop at a bakery cart about halfway down the street, perusing the wares. Abel glanced around and ran up to a flower cart, picking out a long, vivid rose.

"How much for the flower?" he asked the keeper breathlessly.

"One dinar," the keeper answered. Abel opened his coin purse and placed one of his four remaining coins on the florist's stall, hurrying off after the departing nun.

He caught up quickly, breathing hard, and held the rose out to her.

"I got you a flower…" Esther picked the vivid red blossom from his hand and tossed it over her shoulder, where it quickly disappeared in the bustle of the marketplace. Abel frowned, looked around, and sprinted to a jewelry cart, quickly selecting a short silver chain. He held it up breathlessly, a questioning look in his eyes.

"Three dinars, sir," the vendor answered. Abel opened his purse and sighed as he stared balefully at his last three coins. His face hardened and he laid the coins out, taking off before he lost Esther in the shuffle. He held the chain out to her. She grabbed it, and tossed it away, just as she had the flower. Abel's face drooped.

"Esther, please, what must I do to earn your forgiveness?" he begged helplessly. She sniffed and turned up her nose as she continued on towards the park. Abel, in desperation, dove at her legs.

"Esther, please, in the name of God and every angel in Heaven, talk to me!" he wailed as he held her about the legs. Esther pulled one foot free and fought for every step, dragging the wailing, crying priest after her. Abel refused to let go, and she finally stopped.

"Abel, you're making a scene!" Esther glared down at him. His face brightened and he leaped to his feet.

"Good! You're talking to me! That's good progress!" he grinned. Esther rolled her eyes and turned away, but the hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, "And a smile! I saw that! You smiled! I got you to smile!" Abel danced around in front of her gleefully.

"Abel…" Esther growled warningly, stopping short as Abel pushed his face in front of hers, a sloppy grin plastered on it.

"Admit it, Esther. I make you smile!" he gloated. Esther finally let a full grin break out as she shoved him aside, continuing into the park.

"I have every right to be mad at you! Stop cheering me up!" she giggled back at him. Abel sighed in relief and nearly fainted in the mid-market traffic. He hurried after her, and stopped short as he entered a clearing where a long table laid out with presents, sweets and punch sat in splendor. Cardinal Caterina sat with several other AX members, including Father Leon, the Professor, Sister Kate, Father Hugue and even Father Tres. Abel smacked his forehead. The party! Caterina smiled as Esther seated herself, motioning Abel to do the same.

"Before we begin with the luncheon, perhaps Esther would like to open her gifts?" Caterina announced, "so if Abel would be willing to start us off?" she smiled at Abel. His face fell, "Abel? Your gift for Esther, please?"

"Um…she sort of…threw them away," he glanced up shamefully. Esther's face darkened again.

"You call that a gift? Four dinars worth of an old rose and a cheap pewter chain, which, I might add, you never would have remembered to buy if I hadn't been angry in the first place? You call that a decent gift?" she seemed to grow taller and more fierce with every word, and Abel felt himself shrinking into his seat. The other AX members shifted uncomfortably.

"But, Esther…" Abel whined.

"There are no buts about it, Abel!" Esther glared, "I thought my most trusted friend would at least remember my birthday! Apparently, I was mistaken!" Esther's words cut through Abel like a knife. His face fell.

"Esther!" Caterina's shocked voice broke the uncomfortable silence, "That is quite enough!" Esther's face softened slightly, and she turned back to Abel. He stared up pleadingly, but she only shook her head and turned away again, sitting down sadly. Abel looked around, slowly rose to his feet, turned, and strolled dejectedly from the park.

"Abel!" Caterina called after him.

"Let him go, Cardinal," the Professor said, "let's just try to make the rest of Esther's birthday as pleasant as possible!" he slid his present over to Esther, who began slowly unwrapping it as she gazed after Abel, tears in her eyes.

Abel slowly trudged into his quarters and fell face first onto his bed, tears streaming from his eyes. How had it come to this? Why couldn't he just say what he wanted? Why did he always lock up when she came near? He could act angry, sad, silly, stupid…he could do everything but act sincere. He could do everything but tell her, to her face, how he felt about her….

That was it! He couldn't tell her to her face…but maybe he could still tell her. He ran over to his desk, grabbing up some sheets of parchment and some quill pens. He sat down and began scribbling furiously. He had to work quickly, before Esther got back from the luncheon. He became entranced in his writing as his feathered quill worked across the pages…

Esther dragged herself into her quarters, tears in her eyes, and dropped her armful of gifts and trinkets onto her desk. She collapsed onto her bed and wept miserably. She didn't know why she had been so cruel to Abel. She had just been so angry. She had hoped that he, of all people, would have realized how important this day would be to her, how important he was to her. She sat up and wiped her eyes, and her eye caught something out of place on her pillow. She sniffed, and reached for the folded piece of parchment sitting neatly on her pillow, her name scrawled just as neatly on the front fold. She turned it over and found Abel's seal in wax on the back.

Esther's heart beat faster as she broke the wax seal and unfolded the letter carefully. Her eyes filled with tears again as she read:

_"My Dearest Esther,_

_I cannot say how sorry I am to have turned such a sweet day to such a bitter mouthful. It breaks my heart to know that I have caused you so much pain, and it hurts all the more, because every pain I cause you hurts my own heart as well._

_I know this must seem strange. I know that I must confuse you. I know that I must seem like the most incoherent idiot in all of creation at times. It is only because I love you so much that I am struck dumb in your presence._

_Perhaps I should explain why I spit feathers in the morning…"_

Abel glanced up at the knocking on his door.

"Abel?" it was Esther's voice. His heart leaped into his throat. He gulped it back down, sighed heavily, and slowly got to his feet. They felt like lead weights as he dragged himself to the door. He slowly turned the latch and drew the heavy oak door open.

Esther was on the other side. She had tears in her eyes, his letter in her hand and little else over the rest of her. A tight black mini dress barely covered her, and her wet eyes gazed longingly into his. His jaw dropped and his eyes bugged out. His mouth felt as dry as the Carthaginian desert. He worked his tongue.

"Esther…" he managed to gasp out. She shook her head and put her finger to his lips, pushing him back into his quarters, the door closing behind them. She pushed him onto the bed and leaned forward, her eyes closed and her lips parted, pleading. He stopped her gently, reached over, and pinched his arm. He glanced at his pillow, and checked his mouth. Esther giggled.

"There are no feathers, Abel," she smiled, "at least, not yet!"

"I'm not dreaming, am I?" Abel asked incredulously. Esther shook her head and sank against him, pushing him back into the pillows, his arms reaching up to embrace her. Abel's letter fell from Esther's fingers as she let Abel pull her in.

_"I cannot explain the bounds of my love, for they are infinite, and everlasting. I can think of no greater gift than my own life, if you will have it. My pledge to love you unconditionally until my dying day._

_Forgive every slip, every mistake, every last idiotic episode. They are the attempts of a foolish man to insert himself forever into the dreams of his dearest friend, and deepest love. Happy birthday, my darling._

_Yours forever, until the end of days,_

_Father Featherhead"_

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_ Well Back to HNL._

Tell me what you thought of this. I'd like to do this again.

_Lil~_**Rahl** (A division of Crusniks-R-Us)


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